hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
