I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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