Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
