Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
