Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
