I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
