Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Randomize
