She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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