I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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