honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
