bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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