bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
it's like heaven, but drunker
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
