Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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