Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
