did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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