for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
