i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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