You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I could fuck to npr.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
