eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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