Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
