we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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