She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Couch. On fire.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
