she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
