when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
