I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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