I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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