May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
