Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
meet me or not, i'm out of control
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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