We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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