we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
