I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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