Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
