i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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