come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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