I'd wear matching sweaters with you
wanna go halves on a baby?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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