Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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