I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
