I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Drunk is not a location!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
