Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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