my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
