Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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