i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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