Swine flu. Run for my life!
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
