Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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