Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
