420 ftw
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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