I accidentally had phone sex last night
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize