I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize