Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
