Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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