matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
