READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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