New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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