what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize