and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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