Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
