i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
