when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
