I think my vagina is haunted
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
