lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
