Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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