if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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