I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
