Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
