dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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