Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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