LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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