Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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