I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
