I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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