Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
