i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
