My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
