I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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