So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
